Solstice
by EpicGlitter
Summary: Post-Ep5/Save Bay. Beyond the Dark Room, Arcadia Bay holds disturbing secrets nearly as devastating as losing Max's beloved Partner-in-Time. As she struggles with regret and Jefferson goes on trial, Max learns that the work of Saving Arcadia Bay isn't over. She must rely on her friends - and their mysterious powers - to find truth, to heal, to get justice...and to make it out alive


_**A/N: **This fic picks up in the bathroom after the Save Arcadia Bay ending, but does not skip ahead to the lighthouse/cemetery. Content note: school shooting, talk of death/suicide, alcohol, kidnapping, and (implied) sexual assault._

_I recommend reading this story in Archive of Our Own instead, as it allows more flexible formatting and links to the music featured throughout the fic. This site doesn't permit hyperlinks, so search for "Epic_Glitter" on AO3, or paste this after the archive of our own dot com: /works/16667608/chapters/39083371 . For the playlist for this fic, paste this after spoti dot fi: /2OVeQFH_

* * *

"__The violent crack of thunder___  
___The anxious air she's under___  
___as if I didn't love her___  
___but I loved her__

__How has it come to this?___  
___A week's worth of happiness___  
___Has it all been meaningless?__

__Am I to blame because___  
___I tried?__"

_-_Riley Hawke, "Because I Tried"

* * *

****Monday, October 7th********, 2013****

"Nobody would ever even MISS your punk-ass..."

"You're gonna get in hella more trouble for this than drugs..."

"You don't KNOW who the FUCK I am!"

"Get that gun away from me, psycho!"

*****BANG*****

The gunshot shook the bathroom stalls as tears poured down Max's cheeks, reflecting a harsh flourescent glow as they fell onto the cold blue tiles below. She listened, frozen in place. Nathan dropped the gun, shook Chloe, paced back and forth and finally collapsed, hugging his knees and mouthing incoherent pleas of shock and remorse.

David Madsen rushed into the room, his eyes glassy and his breath shallow as he found his blue-haired step-daughter lying motionless on the floor.

"DON'T MOVE! G-Git your hands UP! B-Behind your head!" Moving on pure adrenaline and muscle memory, Madsen kicked the gun back towards the door, leveled his service weapon at Nathan, handcuffed him and ordered him to stay down.

A jarring _**_**clang!**_**_ rang out as Madsen flung each stall door open, drowning out all other sound. After the last _**_**clang!**_**_, he stepped past the final stall, aiming his eyes and his gun to his left.

"DON'T MOVE! G-Git your hands u-uh… m-missy, are you hurt?" Max's eyes were swollen from crying and wide with panic as she rushed to get to her knees, raising her trembling hands in surrender and shaking her head.

__Ohmygod hehasagun he has a gun he's gonna shoot me shoot shoot Chloe oh NO Chloe Chloe's gone thisiswrongthisiswrong this is all wrong I made the wrong he's got a gun I'm gonna die gonnadieshouldadied deserve to die it should have been me I'm so sorry why why Chloe gonnaDIE__

"C-clear! It's OK...It's all right. You're safe. Gonna get… get some help." Madsen stammered as he lowered his gun. He took a breath and looked to Nathan, still cuffed, also sobbing. He turned away from Max, donning a latex glove and rushing back across the room to check for Chloe's pulse.

Seconds later, Madsen's deflated voice muttered, "This isn't happening. It can't… No, God. Not Chloe..."

Madsen's face went pale, his expression completely blank. Max strained to listen, but could not understand, as a crackled voice called out through his radio. Speaking with a practiced, direct voice devoid of intonation, he replied, "Victim is D.O.A. Suspect in custody. Prepare to transport. Madsen, B.A.S., over."

The voice practically shouted again in a tense, urgent tone. Narrowing his eyes, Madsen grunted, rushed to grab Nathan's gun off the floor with his gloved hand, and quickly led Nathan out the door.

The bathroom was suddenly, disturbingly quiet.

Max was alone.

She rose to her feet, picking a photo up off the floor as she hurried across the room.

__This can't be real… __She knelt down beside her best friend's body, solemnly pulling Chloe's eyelids closed over empty rolled-back eyes. Warm blood pooled around the brunette's knees and soaked her pants. A hollow ache grew inside her chest, sobbing uncontrollably, her voice echoing off the stalls and tiled walls as she tried to ignore the raw burning in her throat.

Words from another world echoed in her memory._ "___I loved her so much. How can she be dead?... What kind of world does this? Who does this?"__

Max raised her right hand and focused, tensing each muscle, grasping for strands of time, desperate to feel reality twist around her again, to undo this living nightmare-

But nothing happened.

She stared into the Polaroid photo of the blue butterfly, focused and concentrated…again, nothing.

__Please, please no. If my powers are gone now...I can't go back. I can't take this back.__

"Chloe, no...nononono you can't be g-gone. You can't. I need you, Chloe. I'm so sorry… I'm so so sorry. You deserved better, Chloe. I wanted to save you. I love you so much, Chloe. I should've told you. I wish you'd just wake up and call me a damn hippie. Wake up and tell me off, wake up and guilt trip me. Just wake up. Please, please wake up. You can't be d-dead, Chloe. You can't be..."

Her sight was blurring, eyes burning, heart pounding, voice growing hoarse.

Her memory flashed to another reality. The most courageous voice she'd ever heard called to her over the roaring wind.

_"___Max Caulfield. Don't you forget about me."__

"I'll never forget you, Chloe. I promise. I will always love you."

Her voice was heavy, solemn, and sincere.

But the words brought her no peace.

A chaotic noise filled her ears, radio static whose roar grew louder as it echoed. She felt distantly aware of a tense, assertive voice speaking over the Blackwell P.A. system- but she could not hear the words clearly over the cacophony in her head. Max wasn't ready to leave Chl...to leave the bathroom, but she knew she was too overwhelmed to stay still. She slowly stood up, steadying herself against the nearest sink.

In the bathroom mirror, two cold and accusing eyes glared back at her. A chill went up her spine, as she recognized the doppelganger from her all-too-recent Nightmare. As her reflection began to speak, Max's vision became blurry, and the static in her head grew unbearable.

"You will never see our precious punk again, Max. How could you let her die?"

__How could I?__

* * *

_"___I remember every word you said___  
___And I keep you wrapped inside my head___  
___So, like my heart___  
___You'll never disappear__

__My heart doesn't hurt___  
___My heart doesn't beat___  
___I felt it break___  
___Now I can't feel a thing___"_

Audio Insurgency, feat. Riley Hawke, "I Can't Feel A Thing"

* * *

I can't take it anymore.

__Max smelled salt in the air, felt the ocean breeze against her bare arms.__

__The gentle wind stung her sore cheeks, still wet with tears.__

__Her reddened eyes were squinting against the sun's glare.__

__Its golden reflection gleamed brightly off the water's wave-capped surface.__

__She drew a shuddering breath.__

__Somewhere deep inside, a key turned in its lock.__

__Max cast it over the cliff's edge and into the sea, swallowed by a cresting wave.__

No pain anymore, nothing to feel sorry for.

__Suddenly her heart was just… gone.__

__Her tears dried.__

__The lighthouse towered above.__

__The tide rolled into the shore below.__

__Distantly, she heard someone calling her name.__

__From outside.__

__Her vision began to fade, and she could no longer feel the breeze___._

* * *

Her eyes still closed, Max yawned and cleared her throat, sleepily stretching out her toes and feet.

"She's moving! Max? Max! Oh thank goodness, you're up!"

__What? Where am I?__

Max was lying on something firm but cushioned; a blanket was draped over her.

There were others nearby – two familiar voices. She rolled her shoulders, wrists and ankles. __I can move. That's a good sign, right? But what reality is this? Which timeline?__

__Is Chloe…?__

Max shook the thought away, the motion causing a dull ache on the left side of her head as she eased her eyes open, slits of blue peering through the narrow space between heavy eyelids. Slowly, the faces of Dana and Kate came into focus. Max's eyes shot wide open in shock as she recognized Kate. __How?! I...I saw her jump…__

There were bags under their eyes, and trace remnants of mascara trails running down Dana's cheeks, though she wasn't wearing any other make-up. As Max came-to, she could hear sighs of relief.

Kate's voice softly reached across the space between them. "Max, you look like you've seen a ghost!"

"Kate? How can you be- I mean, I thought you were…?" Max responded in a flat, monotone voice, as she tried to sit up. Disoriented and slightly dizzy, she quickly fell back against what felt like a mattress.

__I couldn't save you. I saw you fall. How-?__

"Shh, Max, it's okay," Kate said, her voice just above a whisper, "Try to relax. There, that's it."

__Right. The butterfly. Photo jumping, timelines, realities… and in this one, you're still alive?__

Her friend continued, "Do you need anything, Max? How do you feel?"

__I feel...nothing.__

__What's wrong with me? This isn't how you feel when one friend is back from the dead, while your more-than-best-friend is killed. Right in front of you. And you did ___nothing___. I'm supposed to feel something right about now. Anything.__

__Right?__

"I'm… I'm fine. Um… how long was I out?" Her dizziness fading away, Max propped herself up with her right hand and slowly sat up.

The rest of the room came into focus, though Max's thoughts were scattered as she gradually made sense of her surroundings. There was a window to her left, no sunlight, crescent moon perched low over the treeline. Through the glass she found a sickeningly picturesque view of brick buildings, life-sized photo exhibition displayed on manicured lawns, iron lampposts and darting fireflies – she was in the Prescott dorms. Girls' floor.

"All afternoon, and pretty much all night. It's Tuesday morning, Max. Well, almost morning." Kate offered a warm but worried smile and gently extended her arms to hug her friend.

Max instinctively jerked away from Kate, her shoulders, neck, and arms tensing at the touch.

The unexpected physical contact brought a terrifying flash of a memory to Max's entire body: a pinprick to the neck, body posed against cold hard flooring, his gloved hands moving her bound arms into another position to get just the right angle- __NO!__

Surprised at her own reaction, she exhaled and tried, unsuccessfully, to relax.

__I trust Kate. And she's alive, now. How could I pull away from her like that___? ___Wait – how am I even here ___**_**now**_**___? Something's wrong. I should've time skipped ahead... Not that my powers ever made any sense.__

Dana addressed her classmate in a calm, encouraging tone, "Max, I know we don't really know each other. But you've always been pretty nice when we do talk, and we've all got to look out for each other, right? Anyway, of course, you're welcome to stay as long as you want! There's some water for you, next to the bed. We both want you to be comfortable- do you mind if I stay in the room with both of you? If not, no hard feelings. We're both so glad you're awake!"

Max realized the chaotic noise she heard in the bathroom was gone now, but she felt distant. Far away from her friends, her body, her pain. Everything really.

It took some effort not to zone out or fall back to sleep, but as she recognized the cheerleading uniform, Bigfoots pennant, Otters team photo, and other expertly mounted decorations on the walls, she pushed herself to focus on what Dana had asked her.

__What did she-? Oh right, "can she stay in the room?" Dana's being really sweet and maybe I should trust her… but she also watched that awful video. Still, she doesn't deserve to get kicked out of her own room (again).__

"It's fine, Dana."

"OK. If you change your mind just let me know."

They all sat quietly for a few seconds.

Kate and Dana exchanged uncertain glances. Max noticed that both of her classmates were dressed for bed: oversized teal pajama pants and white T-shirt with flower design for Kate, gray Bigfoots-branded boy shorts and gray tank top with a frog design for Dana. They both looked exhausted.

Max's legs were still under the blankets, but it felt like she was wearing pajama pants. She also wore a plain gray T-shirt, with "PROPERTY OF BLACKWELL ACADEMY, EST. 1910" screen printed to look like it'd been stenciled by hand. Max recognized it as one of the free Phys. Ed. (Physical Education) shirts that each newly admitted student received, and most never wore again. This shirt was at least a size or two too big.

__Am I wearing Dana's shirt? Why am I wearing Dana's shirt?__

__What happened? Why don't I remember how I got here?__

__Did me and her…?__

Max reached for the water bottle beside the bed, but put it back down unopened when a partly-numbed-out pain spread through her left hand from the effort. Not wanting to draw attention, she glanced only briefly at her hand, long enough to see pinky-side bruising.

With an expression of deep sympathy and understanding in her eyes, Dana broke the silence, speaking softly to Max. "Stop me if this isn't helpful, but I just want you to know...You're here at Blackwell, with us. You're safe. All classes are canceled today. Afternoon classes yesterday too. No meetings or practices, but everything's open regular hours. Dining hall, pool, track, library."

Fully awake now, Max began to piece together the details that her friends were leaving out. __"I'm safe?" Classes were cancelled… because there was a shooting.__

As her mind pressed on, adding more to the story, tears did not come. She sat, staring blankly, breathing evenly, feeling only the distant ache in her left hand. __I was there. I was there when he shot her. I __let__him kill her. And I guess I blacked out?__

__I...I need to be alone.__

As she began to speak again, her voice sounded strained, a cold edge to each word even as she began to stutter. "Thanks for waiting with me, but, look, you d-don't have to talk around it. I remember. Nathan shot Chloe. I got it. Elephant, room. You don't have to whisper their n-names or anything."

__Kinda harsh, Caulfield. Still. Need some space. To figure out where all the dead-friend-crush feels went. To figure out if any of this is really happening – and if there's any way I can take it all back?__

"Oh, Max… We didn't mean to-" Hearing Kate's gentle voice, and seeing the concern and hurt in her eyes, Max turned away. __I just can't right now. I'm sorry.__

Dana nodded quietly. "Oh, Max. I can't imagine what this is like, but we're here for you. I can… I can try to fill in the blanks." After another deep breath, she continued, "After the gunshot, they tried to treat it like an 'active shooter' drill. But it was kind of just chaos?" Dana shivered, shaking her head at the memory, and continued, "Some were saying go outside, others were like no, stay in class, lock the doors. It was… really scary. Then they arrested Nathan, and told everyone to go back to the dorms and stay in for the night. As far as we know, um, no one else was injured or...or killed."

__Not a drill this time... an actual shooter. They just told everyone to chill for the night? Chloe's gone, and we're what, supposed to fire up Netflix? Do our homework?__

"Wow. Glad I wasn't awake to hear Wells feed us his 'stay calm' damage control bullshit. I told hi-" __Ugh, no, wait. I warned Wells about Nathan in the other timeline. In this one I, well, I never had the chance...__ Max shook her head as she let her sentence trail off. After an awkward pause, she changed the subject. "So… how did I end up here? And what am I __wearing__? 'Property of Blackwell'? Really?"

Little creases spread across both Dana's and Kate's foreheads as they shot each other another concerned look. Dana turned to face Max, and as their eyes met, Dana's eyebrows raised, her jaw dropped slightly, and her head tilted just so. Her expression softened as she quietly stated, "Ohhh… You really don't remember. This must be a lot to, um, wake up to. I'm so sorry, Max."

Kate pulled Dana's desk chair over to sit closer to Max, adding, "A couple minutes after Principal Wells made that announcement, we were trying to get out of the main building. Taylor said she heard 'some really weird s-,' um, a weird noise, coming from the girls' bathroom. She was scared to go in alone, and Victoria was making fun of her but they went together. When they found you-"

Dana cut in, her caring eyes still focused on Max, "-and by the way, what gives, Madsen? You were alone, and __injured__, and he just leaves? Anyway. Sorry, Kate."

"It's OK. Mr. Madsen really...confuses me, too. I was saying, when Victoria group texted the rest of the hall, we kind of led you back here? You were really out of it, Max. Your door was locked, and my room is a mess right now..."

"So instead you got my bed," Dana added, barely missing a beat, and straining to sound lighthearted, "and some stylin' PJs."

Her effort was lost on Max. Somewhere around "girls' bathroom," Max's attention shifted as she reached to each of her (Dana's?) pockets. She nearly cut off Dana, asking, "Wait- ugh, sorry, where's my phone? And my camera?"

"I don't know about the camera," Kate said as she grabbed the phone from Dana's desk and handed it to Max, "But here you go!" She barely noticed the newly cracked screen, instead focusing on her notifications.

__Wowsers… so don't want to deal with this right now…__

**[******5:42 A.M., Tuesday, October 8, 2013******]**  
[Voicemail box full]  
[11 unread text messages]  
[5 new calls]  
[4 unread emails]

"Kate, Dana – I need a favor. I should call my p-parents, but I don't want to repeat myself with everyone here. You know: I'm alive, I was there, I d-don't want to talk about it. Could you send out an update? I mean- just to whoever would actually care."

Exchanging another look, Kate and Dana both nodded. Kate replied "We'll let your other friends know. I don't think anyone would blame you if you're not up to talking about it."

__After everything Kate's been through… Even with Nathan arrested, she's got her own struggle right now. I...I don't deserve a friend like her. Maybe I shouldn't push her away – but I need to be alone.__

Dana first looked down at the cracked screen, then out the window, and finally to Max. "Your parents, though. They already know. Madsen came looking for you not long after the… the shooting. He wasn't, you know, typical Madsen. He looked really worried, kind of __lost__, but he wasn't pushing anyone around. We told him you were with us, and he told us we needed to stay with you, watch for, well-."

"Please don't be mad, Max."

"I'm not, Kate. It's OK. I was knocked out, you were worried, I get it."

Dana replied, "We __were__worried. You're hurt, and you were just staring, not saying anything… I'm glad you're back with us, now. Madsen wanted to take you to the hospital. We promised after you woke up, we'd ask you to see the nurse and go talk to the police. Your parents heard about the shooting on Facebook or whatever. They knew that part before Madsen called them. They're on their way."

"Hmph." Max laid back down, letting her body sink into the pillows.

__At least I won't have to tell Vanessa the basics, I guess.__

Kate's eyes brightened when she looked at the alarm clock on Dana's desk, exclaiming "Oh! Dining hall opens in an hour! Do either of you want to come with me? Or I could bring you something back?"

Dana shook her head. "No, thanks. I'm pretty tired. I've got that decoration committee meeting tomorrow, and I'm not prepared __at all__. Coach said we could skip doing laps today, so- Kate, could I crash in your room for a few hours?"

__Come on Max… remember. She doesn't deserve to get kicked out. Don't be an asshole to your fr… well, to someone going out of her way for you. Need coffee anyway, and I can't imagine going to Two Whales right now. How can I even look Joyce in the eye after... nope. Nuh-uh. Not thinking about that. Dining hall's "desperately bland medium roast" will have to do.__

"No, Dana, um… that's really sweet, but you don't have to. I'm going with Kate. Caffeine fix." Max sat up again, moving slowly as the aches and bruises caught up to her.

"Great! I'll come by at quarter-to. Dana, you OK to stay close to Max until then?" Kate picked her bag up from off of Dana's desk, placing the thin leather strap over her shoulder. She brushed off her pajama pants before walking towards the door.

"Of course." Dana nodded at Kate with a weak smile, lifting a hand over her own lips to cover a yawn.

"Wait – um – don't I get a say in this? I don't need a-"

"Max? We care about you. Yesterday was… intense. Something happened with you, and we don't have to figure it all out right now, but we don't think you should be alone just yet. If you really don't want Dana to stay with you, she won't. But I'm asking you. Please?" Kate was standing at the door, her hand placed expectantly on the doorknob. Their eyes briefly met, and before looking away, Max was moved by the concern and determination in her friend's eyes.

__You're not wrong Kate. But do either of us think ___**_**you**_**___ should be alone just yet?__

"...OK." Max sighed and looked at Dana's bookcase just beyond the foot of the bed, avoiding both other girls' eyes. She could still feel them looking at her, could almost feel pity-fueled words like __fragile__ and __unstable__and __weak__ flash across their thoughts as they did.

__Wish I could just tell them to leave me alone...__even if__that doesn't end well for me. Why do they care, anyway?__

"Thank you, Max. You too, Dana. I'm off to get ready. See you soon!"

Kate closed the door behind her.

Max and Dana were alone.

They sat in silence.

Dana opened Max's water bottle and offered it to her, which she quietly accepted. They sipped in silence, Max staring at Dana's bookcase, and Dana looking thoughtfully in Max's direction.

__Well this is awkward. And definitely not helping. What's the point? Dana barely knows anything about me. Dana babysitting me isn't going to make me remember what (else) happened after David left, or make me feel better, or bring Chloe back. Chloe… I should've- I mean, even if I didn't ask for- ___**_**no**_**__**_._**___ Not thinking about this now. Ugh! Please let me think about something else, anything else…__

Max's focus shifted to Dana's books. From where she was sitting, she could only see a few of them. She recognized a couple textbooks, and she could just make out Dr. Bill's name across the spine of a well-worn paperback. The title was difficult to make out at first, because the book was pushed all the way back on the shelf, nearly hidden by the larger texts.

__How to Be a Great Baby Mama____. Wait… I've seen this before. Oh… Oh, wow. Dana. I __really__ shouldn't be mean. You've got your own problems, and you still stayed up all night for me?__

Max looked up, staring at the back of the bedroom door. Dana was tossing her now-empty water bottle into a small recycling bin.

__And in this timeline, this reality, you don't know that I know. You don't know how fucking nosy I was. She was right. The other Max in my Nightmare. I wasted my power trying to say the 'right' thing, get people to like me, get __you__ to like me, but when I needed it mo- nonono___**_**no**_**___ Max. Not. Thinking. About. This. Now.__

"Um, I'm going to get some stuff from my room. Are you, um, you coming?"

"Sure!" Dana looked relieved that Max finally said something. "Let's go."

Dana peeked out into the hall, then walked back to her bed and offered Max a hand. Max shook her head "no" and waved Dana off, swinging her legs over the edge of the bed. With her uninjured right hand, Max pushed herself up to standing and steadied herself. As Dana gestured towards the door, Max tossed her own empty bottle into the bin and silently walked out ahead of her.

* * *

A dull ache pulled at the center of Max's chest when she stepped through the door of her dorm room, sliding her room key back into her right pocket.

__Who was this...this shy cliché hipster-geek?__

Her eyes scanned to her left, noting the vinyl records and band posters on the walls. Her guitar, with its ambiguous butterfly-slash-flower pattern on the sound board, rested against the futon. Looking straight ahead –__really? A __book__ poster?__And there, in the corner- a certain tall, leafy friend.

__Well, at least in this reality – if it __is__ even real- Lisa's still alive. Can't save Chloe. But you've got a shot- uhm, a __chance__, to keep a damn plant alive. Real Everyday Hero.__

Max didn't notice when Dana finally nudged into the room, closed the door, and sat on her futon. She quietly watched Max, who was frowning and making self-critical little __pssssh!__sounds as she watered Lisa and looked around the room.

Max paused before a Seattle era Polaroid. She remembered the day two short years ago: during a Thunderbirds home game against the Raiders, a massive on-ice brawl broke out during the second half.__It __was__kind of fun, though. And Pop was grinning the whole time!__

She focused on the photo, trying to remember the frigid air in the ShoWare Center, the taste of overpriced hot cocoa, and his voice shouting above the arena's din. She focused intently, longing to remember how her photo-jump power even worked. When she couldn't traverse time and space with the hockey photo, she tried instead to rejoin Kristen and Fernando at the Fremont Troll – to no avail.

Minutes later, Max was still standing in her dorm room with Dana nervously watching her stare down old photos.

__This can't be it. My powers __can't__ be gone and I can't be stuck...stuck __here__. I'm probably just tired. Right? I'll...I'll try again later.__

She slowly shifted her gaze away from the Seattle photos.

Max knew what was coming, to her right. She was lingering on each poster, each piece of furniture, each robot panda knickknack, each decision some naive and unrecognizable version of her made a thousand years ago about how to express herself in her own space.

It felt wrong to be here, as she knew it would.

It felt like someone else's room, as she knew it would.

__Someone a lot more...ugh, a lot more __innocent.__No. Not going to think about him. Forget all this, Max. Can't deal with this today. Just get what you came here for. Clothes, shoes, shower caddy, towel. Just focus and-__

She caught her eyes starting to drift to the right. There were, at least, no threats painted in blood on the wall or disturbing Photoshop creations on her bed. But the tightness gripped her chest all the same. The Max Caulfield Photo Memorial Wall, with a few instant photos of blonde-haired 14-year-old Chloe in the mix, drew her in.

Chloe's eyes, staring back at her.

Chloe's eyes, rolling back in her head.

Chloe's eyes, darting in panic, screaming for help on the train tracks.

Chloe's eyes, wide with shock, bullet-pierced skull falling, falling, beneath the fading double moon.

Chloe's eyes, overflowing with tears, drenched and shouting her sacrifice over the howling wind.

__I feel… nothing.__

The tightness in Max's chest was overwhelming, and she was gasping for breath. She did not cry or scream. She couldn't, right then.

"Max? Max, are you OK?"

Dana anxiously rose from the futon and approached Max as she heard her gasping and saw her eyes glaze over, unfocused, losing all semblance of emotion. Blank. Empty. __Gone.__

"Max! MAX! Please, what's going on? What can I do?"

In measured, almost mechanical steps, Max left her room and returned to Dana's. She sat on the futon, staring silently ahead, through and beyond the Blackwell Otters team photo on the opposite wall.

* * *

_"___And I'll never see your face again___  
___Until I'm walking with the dead___  
___So will you swear you'll meet me then?___  
___Oh, then__

__And I, now I have to face the end___  
___But could you let me just pretend?___  
___Could you let me just pretend?___"_

Koethe, "Better Then"

* * *

"Max? Stay with me, girl. Is there someone I should call, or…?" Dana had followed, closing the door to Max's room behind her. She sat next to Max on the futon, but remembering Kate's attempt to hug her, made sure not to touch her without asking. Worried eyes bouncing back and forth between Max and the small screen, Dana quietly began typing out an urgent text on her phone.

__She's gone. And I guess so are my powers? So I can't go back.__

__William, Rachel, Chloe.. I had a chance to __fix__ all this and I...I...__

__And I feel nothing.__

__Nothing but this tightness in my chest. Nothing but I-need-to-get-out-right-NOW. Nothing but what the hell happened to my hand? And my best friend? And my powers? And my life?__

__But this can't be real. It __can't__ be. I'm going to wake up with her by my side. I have to.__

__Until then you've got to get it together, Caulfield. We're not gonna think about this. We can't. You're freaking Dana out. Focus. Shower, then coffee. There's nothing else to think about.__

__Shower. Coffee.__

"Too soon." Max gestured vaguely to the right- towards her room.

Dana nodded sympathetically, tapping "SEND" and putting her phone aside.

"That's OK, Max. I mean, it makes sense. I, um, I know how it feels to have something...kinda __grab__ you like that? Like a bad memory?" Dana's eyes drifted towards her bookcase. Sadness still lingered in her expression when she turned back to Max. "I could go back and get the stuff. If that's OK? If you tell me what to grab, I'll go."

"Thanks. The shower carrier thing, near the door. Make up bag. Phone charger. And some clothes" Max felt a warmth rise to her cheeks at the thought of Dana, well anyone, looking through her clothes. "I...could you just grab whatever?"

Before Dana could answer, someone began knocking on Dana's door. Max jumped a little in her seat, startled by the sound. Dana asked her, "It's just Kate – that OK?", and Max rapidly nodded.

Dana opened the door and Kate walked in, a towel draped over her shoulders. As her eyes started to focus again, it took Max a moment to even recognize Kate with her hair down.

"You got my text?" Dana asked, standing in the doorway.

"Mm-hmm. Thanks! Max, is it OK if I stay here with you for a sec?" Kate joined Max, sitting on the side of the futon Dana had just vacated.

"I...um, what time is it? The dining hall isn't…?" Max's breathing started to slow down and even out, but she still felt a little...__off___._ She blinked and rubbed her chest, though the ache was already easing away. "Yea. Um, yeah Kate. Th-thanks."

Dana disappeared into the hallway.

Max and Kate were alone.

Over the next several minutes, Kate shared a few cute stories about Alice. Apparently her bunny wasn't used to Kate being away overnight, and was anxiously shaking in the corner of the cage when her human came in. But after some soothing words and a few minutes of Kate's undivided attention, she hopped around happily a bit and relaxed.

"She's probably upset that I left again, but I know she'll be OK. She's so attached to her schedule!"

Most days, Max had a soft spot for cute animals. And cute animal videos. And photos. And memes. And .gifs. Anyway. Today, she couldn't bring herself to squee, awww, or react to the story.

Max quietly listened and nodded.

Kate's voice trailed off.

For a long minute, the two girls sat silently.

Max looked first to the swim team photo, then out the window, and Kate followed her gaze. Outside, the morning twilight had turned the sky from black to deep blue, but the lamp posts were still lit. The sun was not yet up- and neither, apparently, were the squirrels.

A loud gurgle from Max's stomach broke the silence, making Max blush and Kate giggle.

"Almost breakfast time." Kate said.

"Yeah. I never had breakfast there. I usually, um," Max paused.

__No. Not thinking about it. Shower. Coffee. Dining hall coffee.__

"...sleep in. Um, is it gonna be crowded?"

"Don't worry, Max. It's quiet there most mornings, and today… I mean, any day there's no classes, it's almost empty." Kate moved to place a hand on Max's shoulder, but quickly withdrew, remembering how tense Max became when she'd tried to hug her. Max didn't seem to notice.

Dana softly knocked before coming back in, shower caddy in hand, towel and clothes draped over one arm.

"Hey."

She set the caddy down on the low table, and laid out the clothes on the bed. Max's jaw dropped a little and her heart..um, mood, sank as she recognized the outfit.

Gray zip-up hoodie. Blue jeans. White T-shirt with a doe.

__Life is...surreal___._

"I need to dry my hair and get ready, but I'll be back soon. Promise!" Kate said, straightening her skirt before walking out the door.

Dana tilted her head to the side and asked "Max, is this OK? I just, you know, I tried to get something I thought you'd like and I see you wearing this outfit like all the time so I figured..."

__Don't be an ass. Not her fault the universe keeps trolling you___._

"No, no. It's… thank you for doing that, Dana. Really." A hint of the 'old' Max's kindness and gratitude crept through her otherwise flat voice, and Dana smiled.

"Sure thing, Max. We're here for you."

Max nodded and gathered her shower gear, grabbing the caddy handle as she made her way closer to the door.

"Th-thanks."

Max peeked out the door, relieved to see no one was in the hallway. Closing Dana's door behind her, she hurried into the girls' bathroom, making a beeline for the nearest shower stall.

* * *

__Shower and coffee. Low bar, I guess. But even more reason not to fail. Shower and coffee.__

__Good thing it's empty here today,__Max thought to herself as she closed the shower stall curtain behind her. No one to tease her, no well-meaning questions or offers of condolence. __Finally alone.__

There, in the stall's slightly warped mineral-coated mirror, her own hollow eyes stared back at her. A quarter-sized purplish blue splotch was mostly obscured by her hair on the left side.

Max felt a pulsing ache just above her left temple, and another across the outside of her left hand, but the sensation was distant- like the moment before realizing an anesthetic will soon wear off.

A layer of numbness covering a much greater pain.

__Stay focused. Shower, and coffee.__

Averting her eyes away from her injuries, Max placed her right hand on the big knob controlling the temperature and water pressure.

Most days, first thirty seconds of any shower in the dorms was devoted to getting the temperature just right. A smidge to the left, and it felt scalding hot. The tiniest nudge to the right, and it was an Arctic blast of frigid spray. Though she liked the faster escape route, when it came to water temperature, the stall closest to the door was the worst culprit. Most days.

But on this day, Max realized she could barely feel the water against her skin as she gently, hesitantly lathered up. She knew from the rising steam that it must be pretty hot, but she hadn't gone through her daily routine of carefully calibrating the knob.

She pushed the knob a bit further to the left. Then a bit more. Somewhere inside her, she knew this was too far and she'd probably scald herself. She knew it was too hot. But she couldn't feel it.

__Is my spidey sense for danger broken, or do I just not care?__

__Either way… I don't feel anything, and it's getting weird.__

The bathroom door swung open, and after a moment, Dana's voice called out to her. "Max? You OK in there?"

"Yeah...um, yeah, thanks."

Dana let out a relieved sigh and closed the door.

__Guess they're __really__worried about leaving me alone.__

_Yeahhh... They're not wrong._

Max turned the shower knob far to the right. The steam stopped rising, gooseflesh spread across her skin as the remaining suds rinsed away. After a while, she found she was shivering, and her teeth began to chatter. She couldn't feel the cold, not the way she used to, not the way she knew she should.

No matter. She was done in the shower, and didn't want to keep Kate waiting. She pulled the knob to stop the water, toweled off, and pulled on her clothes. She stopped shivering.

Just as Max was about to open the stall curtain to leave, the bathroom door opened, and two sets of heeled shoes echoed against the tile. When the footsteps stopped, Max heard water splashing against a sink basin.

"Vic, what gives? After what we saw yesterday you just, like, ghosted? I sent like a million texts!"

"What are you, my mommy? A creepy stalker? Not cool, T."

"I was __worried___._ I'm your __friend__. Is that so wrong?"

"Fine. Whatever. I was upset, OK? Like really fucking losing it. And I had… I had places to be."

"Still. Everyone in the Vortex kept asking. You couldn't send one __freakin'__ text?"

__Shit. Victoria and Taylor.__

Max felt an ominous sense of déjà vu, eavesdropping from the shower stall.

__If they say one fucking thing about Kate or that __video__, I swear...I __won't__ just hide away. Never again.__

As the hand dryer roared on, the jarring sound drowned out Max's sharp gasp while her heart skipped a beat. When it turned back off, the girls resumed their conversation. Taylor's voice was still filled with concern, but her frustration had drained away.

"Vic… look, just. Are you OK?"

"__Nothing__ is OK!" Victoria's voice was getting shaky, her pitch rising with each word.

"I know. I'm sorry. If you need to talk-" Before Taylor could continue, a torrent of words rushed past Victoria's lips.

"He's my __friend__, Sweet T. We're __close__. You know. And-and I was calling and calling and his fucking mom wouldn't __fucking__ pick up so I go to the police and they won't tell me shit- not where he is, not how to reach him, nothing. I tried to tell them he's got-" though still nearly shouting, she tried to lower her voice, "he's got __medication__. And maybe it's BS but you can't just __cut__ a person __off__ like that that's fucking dangerous and they won't even-__rrrgggh___!_"

"Vic, girl, breathe. I'm here." Aside from the sound of the two girls' slow, deep, deliberate breaths, the bathroom was quiet again.

__I don't need to hear this right now. Don't want to think about this. At least they're not talking shit about Kate. I should open this curtain and walk out and–__

__Ugh. Max. Still full-on chickenshit.__

"Thanks, T. I __am__ sorry I didn't check in. It's just… I don't even know. He finally called a couple hours ago. Who knew my smartphone could even __get__ collect calls?" Victoria let out a joyless, ironic laugh. "He was crying. I could barely hear him and their phones are __shit__ so it kept cutting out. He said they only let him call after they were done with questioning. Which was, like, __all____day?__ His dad fucking disowned him- said he's 'dead to him' now. He's got court tomorrow, like for bail or whatever, public defender will be there. Wouldn't let me get him a lawyer. He...he confessed, anyway..." Max heard Victoria sniffling, as if she were crying, but tried to ignore this.

"Aren't public defenders lawy-"

"Really, Taylor? __Now?__ Yes. Technically. But if the closest friend you've got- and don't be jelly- if your __closest__ friend needs help and he's gone and fucking __killed__ someone, are you gonna put his fate in the hands of someone with two thousand other cases?"

__Tough luck for the other "two thousand." Not her problem, I guess? And, um, she's all broken up over __him__ but not a word about… about who he __killed__?__

__A+ priorities, Victoria. Brava.__

Victoria drew a pained breath, and let out a deep sigh before continuing. "I just… I'm a teenager at an art school. I'm only here to become a photographer and get famous. I'm not perfect! This shit is too real, and I don't know what to even __do__ now."

"Like, wow, Victoria. I don't know what to say. We'll figure it out. But later this week? __We__ deserve some curfew cocktails!"

Victoria laughed, and Max heard only the slightest hint of bitterness in her voice. "We do. After the last thing he said? Bartender, make it a Long Island iced tea- stat!" She snapped her fingers half-heartedly.

"You __know__ I'm game… but, Vic. Um, what did you mean? 'The last thing he said?'" Both of her classmates sounded offbeat to Max, now. Their typical Mean-Girls-gossip cadence felt hollow, forced. More than usual.

A tense silence held for a couple seconds before Victoria responded in a quiet, sober voice.

"He told me, 'Stay away from __him__. Promise me. OK? He's __evil__, you don't even know, no one knows. But you will soon.' He said something __extra__ fucked up was going on in this town, and him and Mark and others were involved, but he was really vague about it."

Another memory, another voice, from another timeline, pushed its way into her consciousness, loudly crowding out Victoria's words and Max's other thoughts. She could feel the steering wheel in her hands, hear the tires against wet pavement, the swish of the wipers, the rain pelting the car's windows and roof. She heard a familiar voice, anxious and broken but sincere:

_"___Max, it's...it's Nathan. I just wanted to say... I'm sorry. I didn't want to hurt Kate or Rachel or… didn't want to hurt anybody. Everybody... __used__ me! Mr. Jefferson...is coming for me now. All of this shit will be over soon. Watch out, Max. He wants to hurt you next. Sorry."__

Her mind jumped to an empty red binder. Then, to a confused and terrified Victoria, bound on the floor of…that place.

Max's wrists twitched.

Her chest felt hollow.

Everything felt hollow.

__I may not have powers or visions anymore. But I see therapy in your future, Caulfield.__

__I hope Victoria follows the warning.__

__Shower. And coffee.__

Max silently tried to shake it off and return her focus to the conversation.

Victoria breathed in sharply, a mix of concern and frustration in her words. "Then he freaked out, said the phones were tapped and he couldn't say more. It wasn't __safe___._"

"Here, Vic." As Taylor comforted her friend, heels briefly __clak___-___clak__'d against tile, echoing off the stalls, and her words became muffled. Max couldn't see, but assumed, they were hugging. "That's so intense. I'm sorry."

More __clak___-___clak___s_. Victoria replied, "It's all so fucking weird, T. I don't know __what__ to think about his fucking cryptic warning… he was so worried, but, like. He needs __help__. I don't know. I still want to be there for him. Like maybe I could've done something, helped him somehow? But it's too late and, you know, I'm so __pissed__ at him for what he did. I told him."

"We all used to joke about 'a real friend would help you bury the body,' you know, that edgelord shit. But this? This is __serious___._ We __saw__that...that girl. All that blood, and glass everywhere? You can't __unsee__ shit like that. No wonder you were losing it."

__Guess Kate was right. She said they "found" me in the bathroom after… after what happened. But what does she mean by "glass everywhere"? Yeah, no, can't think about that right now.__

Taylor continued, "I don't think __anyone__ would really know what to do in your…situation. Except, maybe..." She added, in mischievous, teasing tone, "check your fucking texts, girl!"

"You are the __worst__!" Victoria cleared her throat, and tapped her finger a couple times against the sink. "It's over for now, anyway. And __I__need to relax! Time for a smoke break. You coming?" Three, four heel __clak___s_ echoed, moving closer to the door.

"Actually, Victoria… I can't." The mischief was gone as quickly as it came, and Taylor's voice grew quiet.

"Do __not__ tell me you're a quitter? In it to win it, T." The heels scraped against ceramic, as Victoria turned around to face Taylor.

"No, of __course__ not. How could you even think-? __No__, Vic. I'm leaving campus for a couple days, that's all. Gotta leave, like, now."

"'Leaving'? What's going on? After what __I__ just spilled? You know you can tell me anything."

"Vic, it's...ugh. I just. It's my __mom__, OK? There was an accident. Some bullshit with ABPD speeding down Main yesterday afternoon. She's back in the hospital. I only __just__ heard and __no one's__ there with her and after last time, well, __you__know. You were there. I've got to go. That's why I'm even __up__ on our surprise-day-off. I've got to see her." Max could hear Taylor's voice waver, as if struggling to hold back tears.

__Oh no… Taylor. You're mean as hell sometimes, but still. I hope your mom will be OK.__

"Oh my God- Sweet T. I'm so sorry. Do you want me to come with?"

"No, no. Thanks, but… we don't even know, like, how serious it is? Just that she's there."

"You __sure__ you don't want me to drive? At least on the way back? The roads are supposed to be hell tonight, and the way you drive…? Just being honest, T! Look at the forecast!" For the first time that morning, Victoria Chase sounded like her old, condescending self- at least, as Max had known her.

For a few long seconds, the ache in Max's chest returned, and she could feel her heart beating faster.

__Wait, what? It can't be… they didn't even see That Storm on any forecast. They had no warning. It's not even Friday. And- the whole point of – the Storm is __not__ coming. It's not. It can't be.__

Taylor sighed through her teeth, lightly banging her palm against the sink in frustration.

"Victoria. No. I'll be fine."

"OK. Just, you know, putting it out there." Victoria's tone softened. "You know it's because I _care_, right? And I've __always__ got your back. At least let me walk you to the car."

__Clak-clak___, ___clak-clak___, ___clak-clak__. The door swung open and closed again, the heeled footsteps trailing down the hallway. Max waited a few more seconds. Then, she grabbed her clothes and the caddy with a wince, opened the stall curtain, and left the bathroom.

* * *

__I...did I really hear all of that? The police station, Taylor's mom, a forecast? I can't even, right now.__

__Shower? Check. Coffee? Let's go.__

Before she reached Dana's room, Kate's door opened, and the blonde called out to her.

"Max! Perfect timing: the dining hall just opened! Are you ready?"

__Everyone's already gonna stare at me because of yesterday. Next to the bruises and whatever the hell the Blackwell gossip mill heard about...about __what happened__, going to breakfast with wet hair won't draw that much attention...__

"Uh, sure, Kate. Just need a sec to put this down."

"I think Dana fell asleep, but you can put it in my room! Alice won't mind."

After a quick stop in Kate's room, Max and Kate left the Prescott dorm together.

* * *

Shafts of hazy, golden early morning light poured into the Blackwell Academy dining hall from high windows spaced evenly across its outside wall. As she waited in line at the self-serve station for hot beverages, Max absently watched dust particles dance through the windows' warm glow.

Any other morning, the serene beauty of it might have moved her to inspiration or nostalgic reverie. She'd frame her shot, map out just the right angle-

Then again, any other morning, she'd be asleep at this hour.

Safe in bed.

Watched over by Polaroids.

And her beloved Partner-in-Time would still be alive.

Max rubbed her eyes before refilling her coffee thermos, struggling to maneuver the spigot and thermos with her swollen hand. Her fingers carried her through the motions, turning the spigot off, opening and pouring the creamer, twisting the thermos's cap back on.

Success!: the coffee was good-to-go.

Her eyes fixed on the back wall as she walked across the dining hall.

She could hear her own footsteps. The absence of crowded mealtime ruckus was unsettling. No conversations shouted across tables, no peals of laughter, no masses of voices echoing against walls and ceiling.

No desperate urge to flee back to her room.

OK- a __less__ desperate urge to flee back to… back to the dorms.

The other dozen-or-so bleary-eyed students in the dining hall congregated in twos or threes. Without the room's typical background noise, voices carried, combining into an unavoidable chorus of idle chatter:

"Yeah, my parents are freaking out! They think everyone here's packing, or something. I'm like, __please__, it's an art school!"

"You __still__ haven't watched that video? Trust me, man, church mouse has a __wild__ side!"

"That power-tripping rent-a-cop? I heard he was crying like a baby. Isn't that, like, the first sign of the apocalypse?"

"Hope they reopen the girls' room soon...Who cares about the mirror? There's like half a dozen of 'em still intact, just use those!"

Max felt a dull yet uncomfortable ache in her jaw, and realized she'd been clenching it as she picked up her pace, speedwalking across the dining hall. As each voice layered over the others in her mind, she quickly closed the distance to her table.

"...got me out of a test, at least! What? Oh, come on. I didn't mean… ugh! What's your deal? No one even __knows__ that girl. She got expelled years ago!"

"That guy always freaked me out. Dude took some seriously creepy photos."

"It's scary. I don't know, I mean, it could've been any of us. It could've been me. You know? I was on my way there but I went back to my locker and- I don't even want to think about it."

"Well, Courtney's uncle's fiance is a cop and she said that _he_ said the victim was-"

The ache in Max's jaw was matched by a tightness in her chest. Her mind and eyes urgently conspired to find something else, anything else, to focus on.

__Swim team, probably. Who else would get breakfast at the dining hall when class is cancelled? …and who gets exercise this early in the morning, anyway? Voluntarily?__

Max finally claimed her seat at a small table in the back corner, opposite the door. It already felt like Kate was taking forever to get back from the bathroom. She'd mentioned something about the closest bathroom being cordoned off, and long lines for the temporarily accessible bathroom in the nurse's office.

__No telling when she'll be back…__

Max laid her phone on the table, gingerly swiping and tapping to open the messenger app. Scrolling past her other texts, Max tapped on the bearded profile image labeled "Dad" and began to read her recent messages.

[From: Dad]

[Maxine. Pop here. I'm sorry I haven't gotten in touch sooner. We heard there are reports of gunshots at Blackwell and we are very concerned. Is it true? Are you OK? You don't have to talk about it. Just let us know you got our message. Love, Pop.]

[Honey, I know mom is melting your phone. She's just worried. Please reply. Love, Pop.]

[We just talked to Mr. Madsen. This wasn't your fault. Some things are just out of our control.]  
[Your mom and I want you to see the nurse as soon as possible.]  
[We are coming to Arcadia Bay. Leave first thing in the morning. I know you're upset but your mother and I think you should come home, at least for now. See you soon. Love, Pop.]

[Good morning, Maxine. On our way. Love, Pop.]

Max looked up from the screen, scanning the room. Kate was still nowhere to be seen. So far as she could tell, nobody was looking at her. She drew a slow, intentional breath, and took a sip of the thoroughly uninspiring coffee from her thermos.

__Half a dozen texts in 24 hours? That's got to be a record for Dad. Dana was right… guess they're just a few hours away, now. After all this, what do I even say to them? I'm not the same person they dropped off five weeks ago… At least it will be good to see Dad. Probably.__

Tapping the blank text box on her screen, Max began to carefully type out her response:

[To: Dad]

[Thanks Dad. I'm OK. School breakfast, then ABPD. I'll call after. Love you.]

Two checkmarks: sent, and received.

Max briefly fiddled with the phone settings, setting the ringer to "silent" before flipping it face-down on the table. The act left her wounded hand idly resting on the table, where she could not resist looking at it. She quietly assessed the damage again: bruising and swelling, but no broken skin.

__How the hell did this happen?__

__What did I do?__

Searching for another distraction, Max's focus turned to a table just ahead, her eyes resting on an unmistakably familiar, perfectly coiffed undercut. The student sat with his back to her, casually reading and scrolling on his phone. A high-end digital camera sat on the table in front of him, near the window, lens cap on. As her eyes rested on it, a chill ran up Max's spine. She took another sip from her thermos and tried to shake off the feeling.

He's__ definitely not on the swim team. Golden hour, maybe?__

"Thanks, Evan. I know it's super early and all, but after yesterday...well, I appreciate the company." Luke said, flashing a broad smile as he laid down two empty plates and a tray piled high with pancakes, boiled eggs, toast, and fruit. Max almost didn't recognize him without a black ball cap covering his hair, which was now dripping wet.

"Glad you asked." Evan hesitated a second before adding, "I set up some exquisite shots in the courtyard while you were in there taking chlorine laps in your Speedo." Max imagined, but couldn't confirm, the corners of Evan's lips curving into a subtly playful smile- though she'd never actually seen him smile. She heard a gentle clank and scrape of utensils against plates.

"Tease away, photo boy. You're just mad you didn't get to watch!" Luke laughed and winked at Evan before digging into his stack of pancakes.

__Oh…? Did __not__ see that coming. At least they're not talking shit about Kate, or spreading gossip, like everyone else here.__

Grateful for the momentary escape from both the Blackwell rumor mill and her own thoughts, Max continued casually eavesdropping.

"Speaking of watching," Evan asked in a hopeful, almost singsong tone, "What's going on with your medical clearance for the season? Inquiring minds want to know!"

"Let me get back to you? For now, if you want a free show, all you gotta do is ask." Luke checked to make sure no one else was watching him, then fluttered his eyes at Evan, who gently pushed the swimmer's shoulder with his free hand.

"You are too much! Seriously though. You sure you're OK? Your texts had me worried." Evan leaned forward slightly in his chair, placing his phone off to the side – alongside the pricey camera – and transferring several pieces of fresh fruit onto his plate.

"I'm all right now. Coach always says, whatever's bothering you, swim a few laps and see if you feel any different. Endorphins!" Luke tapped his forehead twice with his index finger, a tired smile fading quickly as he continued, "I was just messed up about yesterday. Prescott? You know I hate that guy. Even after what he did, the Beacon still used his freshman yearbook photo! No front page mugshots for Prince Prescott, right? Whole family shoulda been run out of town a long time ago. Maybe then she'd-"

"She'd __what__, Luke? You stopped talking." Evan laughed nervously, poking at the fruit with his fork.

"It's nothing, I… it's just. I can't believe she's gone. I'll be fine, really." Luke pointedly stacked several bits of pancake on his fork, biting all of it off at once, as if to prove his point.

"I'm sorry, Luke. Since you weren't around when- I mean. I didn't think you knew her?" Luke offered a noncommittal hum through his full mouth, while Evan continued, shaking his head. "She could be… uncouth. But it's hard to see such intelligence just, gone."

As her classmates continued talking, pieces of a once-joyful memory began playing in Max's mind:

_"___Stop being so goddamn humble. You're like the smartest, most talented person I've ever known."__

_"___Don't look so sad. I'm never leaving you."__

Max felt everything inside her closing up, locking down again. She would stay empty. Under no circumstances would she start bawling here in the dining hall. She would resist letting the pain in at all costs.

__Can't risk remembering what it was like when we were together. It will only hurt more.__

Max stared blankly down at her table, sipping her coffee, ignoring Luke and Evan, listening to nothing. Even the sensation of piping-hot coffee passing over her tongue felt bizarre: half-numb and distant. She kept on sipping anyhow, mostly for the caffeine, and to prevent spacing out (again).

Kate finally returned to the table, quietly walking up to Max. "Hey, I hope you weren't waiting long. I'm going up to get some food. Want anything?"

"I'm good. Um, thanks."

__She's your friend, Max. She stayed up all night looking after you. Worried about you. And she's going through so much right now...Don't be an ass to your friends.__

"Are you sure?" Kate nodded slightly, gesturing behind her towards the food stations on the opposite wall, "They've got the waffle maker out today, you know."

__She's trying. So what if you don't deserve kindness? Or waffles? Still. Be a friend. That's what Max-freaking-Caulfield would do.__

"Y-yea, um, OK. I'll come get a waffle." As Max moved her chair back to get up, Kate shook her head and waved one hand dismissively.

"Oh Max, no..." Kate glanced at Max's hand, more lines of concern spreading across her forehead. "Let me get it, OK? I'll be right back."

Max quietly nodded, moving her hands under the table. Out of sight.

A wave of relief spread across the blonde's face as she turned and began to walk back across the room.

Max was alone.

She stared down at the table's surface, pushing herself to focus.

__Shower? Check.__

__Coffee? Check.__

She slowly raised the thermos to her lips for another sip.

__So what now? Breakfast, then the police station?__

Max took a deep breath, followed by a few more.

She wasn't going to try to sort her feelings, wherever they'd wandered off to.

Not right now. Too much danger down that road.

Part of her longed for answers. To be completely honest—ha! since when?- she didn't really even trust this reality yet. She couldn't. Even after the failed photo jumps, she still feared, and hoped, that any moment the edges of her vision would fade to red, that she'd somehow wake up in a different time and place. Again.

Max needed the fastest, most direct path from this moment, to actual alone time. Quiet. Seclusion. Space. Away from concerned glances, and questions, and decisions.

She needed to get through the day, and look OK-enough, that everyone would stop worrying.

*****Clunk!*********

Max's eyes went wide and she jumped in her chair as the tray abruptly hit the table. The air suddenly felt charged with electric tension, which danced uncomfortably across the skin of her arms and legs. Her body trembled and she drew quick, panicked breaths while Kate cautiously sat down across from her.

"Oh! I'm sorry, Max. I...I thought you heard me coming… are you OK?" Kate's soft voice and her hands were both shaky. She turned to look over her shoulder every few seconds.

"Um, it's OK. It's OK. I'm OK. I'll be fine," the words poured rapidly from Max's lips, "I uh, yea. I just. I just need a moment. Its fine. Th-thanks again."

As she finished attempting to reassure Kate, Max's attention shifted first to the plate of syrup-covered waffles, then to Kate's wet and puffy eyes. As she tried to slow her breathing and steady her hands, her gears started turning.

__It's the day after...after the "Daguerrian process" lecture. It's Tuesday.__

__The day of the rooftop.__

__Oh, no….___**_**no**_**__**_._**_

__It does __not__have to end that way.__

__I will not let anyone else die!__

Struggling to keep her attention focused on Kate, Max took three deep, deliberate breaths and tore a large piece of waffle off with her fork. She held it hovering above the plate while she asked in the friendliest tone she could muster, "What about _you_, Kate? You seem a little upset. Um, is everything OK?"

As soon as the question was out, she bit off the entire mass of waffle. Disappointment washed over her as she realized that, much like the coffee, she couldn't really taste it. Or the syrup. Or the butter. Nothing.

__Ugh. This...whateverthehellthisis, is getting old fast.__

Kate's sorrowful eyes met Max's for a moment before the blonde looked away.

"It's nothing. I mean, I don't even know…" Kate paused, lowering her voice, "It's about that _video_. When I got up, they were, well..." Kate sighed, dabbing a napkin at the corner of her right eye. "They were talking about it. Did you watch it, Max?"

Max took another sip of her half-empty thermos and replied, "No. And I won't."

"Thank you, Max. Do you know how humiliating this is for me?" Kate looked over her shoulder again, searching the room for gawkers and snickerers, before bringing a spoonful of yogurt and granola to her lips.

"I know this sucks, Kate, but… tell me about the video and maybe I can help." Struck with intense déjà vu, Max felt her stomach turn and suddenly laid her fork and knife down on the waffle plate.

Hazel eyes met once again with ocean blue, searching silently for what felt like a full minute. Kate opened and closed her mouth twice without saying a word, then drew a long, weary breath.

Finally, Kate replied, "Basically, I went to one Vortex Club party and ended up making out with a bunch of people… and I have no memory of it..."

Max remembered every word this conversation from the first time they'd had it. Mere hours afterwards, she'd stood on the roof of the Prescott girls' dorm in the pouring rain, desperately replaying it over and over in her mind – searching for some hint or fact that might coax her friend back from the edge. That might keep Kate alive.

And she'd failed.

Kate was pushing bits of granola around a nearly-empty bowl of yogurt with her spoon, as Max quietly shook her head.

__I don't have to repeat it all again, though. I don't have to repeat the cycle.__

__If this is even real...__

__Fate, or the gods, or whoever – they already took what they wanted from me.__

__I won't let them have Kate!__

__But what the hell do I even say?__

__What can anyone say?__

"That's awful, Kate. I'm sorry. If...um, if you want to say more about it, I'm here, OK? I care and I want to listen." Max quietly tapped her feet under her chair, looking across the table as a frown spread across her friend's gentle face. "…But you don't have to. Don't, um, don't have to say anything if you're not comfortable. OK?"

Kate let go of her spoon and pushed her empty bowl away, glancing over her shoulder again before looking directly into Max's eyes. Clear, gleaming tears were quickly pooling in her own as she whispered, "I want to tell you. But..." she paused, and Max held her breath, leaning in to be sure she could hear.

"...With what you're going through… are you sure? I mean, it means so much to me that you'd even offer! Really! But, are you sure you want to hear about my problems at a time like this?"

Without a second thought, Max nodded. "Oh, Kate, of course. I'm your friend. I'm here for you! Don't even worry about that." Seeing Kate's doubtful expression, Max added, "OK, think of it this way. I'm here for you, __and__, I __really__don't want to think about" Max sighed, "about what happened yesterday. I __need__ something else to focus on. So, trust me, it's really OK."

Max made her best impression of a warm, encouraging smile, suddenly eager to convince Kate that she was ready, willing, and __totally__emotionally prepared to listen.

Kate nodded, apparently satisfied. Her shoulders loosened and dropped, an immense weight lifting from them. Her tears flowed freely now, cascading in wet, wobbly trails down her cheeks, splashing against the table on impact. Max carefully raised her right hand, napkin in tow, to wipe away her friend's tears.

"Thank you, Max," Kate said, still speaking just above a whisper. She politely moved Max's hand off after a moment or two, though a second wave of tears swelled as she began telling Max her story.

As she confided in Max about the night of the Vortex Club party, Kate urged her friend to continue eating her breakfast. Max couldn't deny that her head felt just the slightest bit clearer, more awake, after the meal. Her floodgates finally opening, Kate recounted more details as they finished eating, put up their trays, and began walking back towards Kate's dorm room.

* * *

_"___A girl that I never noticed asked me to hold this___  
___A secret too hard to tell and I never will__

__For a moment I feel the coldness___  
___Of everything that's been taken away___  
___I put the phone back in the cradle___  
___I can't make this okay__

__The damage she'll survive___  
___But damn the sacrifice of___  
___Every life we've lost__

__Damn all the costs of the assault___  
___Damn all the costs of the assault___"_

Amy Ray, "Pennies on the Track"

* * *

As they entered Kate's room, she continued telling Max what she remembered about the party and its aftermath as she set to work feeding her bunny, Alice. Max tried her best not to stare or react to the towel covering the mirror or the closed blinds hiding away the morning sun. Instead, she listened intently, offering careful hugs and supportive comments here and there.

She already knew many of the details about Kate's drink, the video, Nathan offering to "help," the needle prick – __no absolutely__not __focusing on that right now___ – _and waking up outside her room. But this time, Max was not here to investigate or interrogate. Kate needed someone to be there for her, she needed a friend, and Max… well, Max could try.

_Kate deserves a __better__ friend, no doubt. But I'm here. I can try._

"...and after, um, after __what happened__ yesterday, Nathan's been arrested, and I just don't know what to think." Kate sat on her bed and watched Alice nibble her food as she continued, "I… I want to know what really happened to me. I __need__ to know. And, Max, that video?" Her voice rose with anxious inflection, "Do you know how to take down a viral video?"

Max solemnly shook her head. "I'm sorry, Kate."

"It's just been so hard. Everyone at Blackwell knows, and they won't leave me alone. My mom, my aunt, the people at church… They think I let them down, they think I let __God__down-" Kate began sobbing heavily, her cheeks one again wet with tears.

Max sat down next to Kate. motioning to wrap her arm around her friend's shaky shoulders, but not yet touching her. Raising her voice slightly to speak over her friend's sorrowful wailing, Max gestured towards her arm as she asked, "Is this OK?"

"Of course," she whispered with a nod.

Max could feel tension leaving the blonde's slight frame as she gently lowered her arm into place, subtly adjusting for comfort.

"You didn't let anyone down, Kate. And you didn't do __anything__ to deserve all this. OK? You don't deserve this." As her tears flowed freely, Kate leaned into Max for support, resting her head against Max's chest and dabbing at her tired eyes with a hand-sewn handkerchief.

The brunette's freckled cheeks were dry. She knew she should feel something right then. Her friend was suffering, it was terrible and fucking unfair what happened to her. And Max had been through- well, she didn't need to think about that right now.

She felt like she was watching the conversation from a distance. Floating above it all. She was there, she was paying attention, she __did__ care – but she wasn't __all____there__. She hoped Kate wouldn't notice.

"Thanks. I mean. On my good days, I know you're right? That I don't… I don't de-" the word seemed to get caught in Kate's throat, and she quickly abandoned the attempt.

__Oh, Kate… I probably couldn't say that about myself, either. Difference is, you actually __do__deserve better. So much better.__

"...But even then I don't know how to face them all. I don't know what happened to me, Max. I can't remember… do you have any idea how it feels? All these people are saying...saying I __wanted__that. You heard them in the dining hall, didn't you? And I've got nothing to say to them, because __I can't remember___!_"

__Yes. I know what it's like to live through some horrible shit that you can't remember...__

Before her wrists could fully relive the gripping, raw, immobilizing sensation of duct tape against skin, Max forced the memory down.

__I'm here for Kate. This is about her, not me.__

So Max sat quietly holding her friend, trying to find the right words to comfort her. Or really, any words that wouldn't make it all worse. Eventually, the dull pain in Max's hand led her to gently break contact and stand up. Kate leaned forward, rested her forearms on her thighs, and hung her head. By now, Alice had finished her food and retreated to the back corner of her cage.

"Kate, you've gone through so much. But you're __not__ alone. You're never alone. I'm here for you, and your other friends here too, and just-" Max paused, worried that she would sound as distant as she felt.

__What if she thinks I don't see how much she's hurting?____I know Chl- um, people, think "you're not alone" is a cruel lie. I feel that way sometimes too…after Seattle, after yesterday? I know all about feeling alone. I've got to show her she actually does have someone to turn to, someone she can trust.__

Kate now held her head in her hands, crying softly. Max began gathering pillows that were strewn across the room, and placing them neatly at the head of the bed. _"_I know it doesn't always feel like it, but there are so many people who care about you and want to help. I don't have all the answers. But I'm here. And we'll figure it out together, OK?"

"Mm-mmm." An affirmative hum rose up from somewhere under the tousled bun of blonde hair.

Kate slowly sat back up, turning to see Max placing the last of the pillows.

"Max, do you think… should I come with you to the police station? I could… I could talk to them. And maybe they could investigate?"

Max leaned back against the bedroom door, trying not to get lost along any of the paths her mind began wandering down. __The day you __dropped to your death__ in the other timeline… so many things I wished I could say, and now I can… Is it enough?…What if none of this is real – will I wake to a reality where you're… you're…__Max had to do something, say something, to stay focused.

"If you want go together, I mean, that would be great! Just, um. Are you sure you want to do it __today___? _After staying up all night? It's up to you but, I promise, if you just rest today and go in another time, I'll come with you."

Just as Max finished, Kate said with a lilt of relief in her tone, "You'd do that? Oh you're the best Max! And you're right. I should rest."

Max quietly winced at the compliment, grateful that Kate didn't seem to notice.

__Definitely not the best, Kate. I'm the opposite of best.__

__Best at creating death and destruction.__

__Best at… ugh. Pay attention, Max.__

Kate rose from the bed and walked to her chest of drawers, quickly pulling out a pair of pajama pants and a Bible camp T-shirt.

Max averted her eyes. She knew the time was coming for her to let Kate rest, but something was nagging at the back of her mind. She knew the answers Kate didn't have, the ones she longed for and that might break her.

__But should I tell her?__

__Would it do her any good to know about the Dar- ehm. About what happened to her? And how do I explain how I know all that?__

__I can't. And after last night, Kate deserves some peaceful rest.__

__Before I go, I've got to make sure she'll be OK.__

"Kate, can I ask you about something?"

"Of course, Max." Kate finished changing her clothes and returned to the bed, resting her back against the neat pile of pillows, pulling sheets and comforter over her legs, and covering her mouth through a yawn. "What is it?"

"Yesterday, in Jefferson's class? I, um… I saw your notebook. A-and I'm sorry to be so nosy..." Out of habit, Max reached her right hand across her chest and held her arm. She looked directly into her friend's hazel eyes and continued, "...but I saw what you were drawing, and… I know you're going through so much. Just, um. Are you _OK?_"

Kate's face fell, but she held Max's gaze for several seconds before looking towards the window. The sketched image of a noose, the scrawled words "SO LONELY" and "WASTE," lingered in both of their minds.

Solemn, quiet words drifted across the space between them, slowly at first, "It's been so hard, Max. With that video, and Mr. Madsen following me around, and how gross I felt when I woke up the day after the party," her whole body shuddered with the memory, "Sometimes I feel like I'm in a nightmare and I can't wake up. I haven't had anyone to talk to about it all- I mean, until now." Kate looked from the window back to Max and continued, "I didn't think anyone would believe me. I'm...I'm sorry you had to see that. But, sketching out what I'm feeling helps me hold on sometimes. Even if, if it's drawing something that… that's painful to look at."

Max nodded, struggling to stay present, to deserve her friend's trust. "Oh, Kate...I think I know what you mean, though? We don't all have to be 'tortured artists' but I think it's really kind of brave to make art when you're hurting. I'm glad it helped you get through this. And... I'll never judge you for what you draw, OK?"

Max closed her eyes and drew a deep, uncertain breath, calling to mind half-slept-through school assemblies and awareness pamphlets. Opening them again, the words she knew she needed to say haltingly tumbled out, "I-I, um. I care about you, and I've been worried. I have to ask… are you going to, um. Are you… are you th-thinking about hurting yourself?"

Kate paused, her mouth hanging slightly open, stunned and vulnerable.

Max had discovered a whole new depth of awkwardness, and she could hear her own heart pounding. The screeching sound of a record scratching, then brakes squealing against train tracks, filled her mind- alarm bells sounding off in pure anxiety over breaking this basic social rule. She longed for her Rewind power right then, and briefly considered running out the door, out of town, out of state, as far as humanly possible from this moment.

__I shouldn't have done that… She has enough people prying into her life. She already feels like a spectacle. I bet she'll never talk to me again! I should just leave before I make it any w-__

"No. Not… not anymore." Kate's barely audible reply cut through Max's ruminations as their eyes met once again. Kate breathed a hard-won sigh of relief. As she continued, her body slowly sunk back into the pillows. "I...I think about it sometimes. After what happened last week… sometimes I just don't know how long I can... Just, Max, please don't worry about me? OK? I already feel so much better talking to you. And right now, I'm just going to get some sleep."

"You're so sweet, Kate. Thank you for telling me this. Taking a nap sounds __so good__right now!" Max paused, her thoughts racing as she tried to keep her voice calm.

__This is the only second chance I'll get, to say what I couldn't on that roof. I can't screw this up! Please, please don't let me fail again, lose her again...__

Max continued, struggling to keep her voice even, sincere, and upbeat despite the aching numbness that still surrounded her, "I'm so sorry you've been- that you- you've been hurting so much. But you'll get through this. __We__ will. Just, please text me when you get up? I just… we could talk about some plans, maybe? To get you more support?" Kate nodded, the edges of her lips curving up into a faint smile. "I'm so sorry you had no one to talk to before… but you do now, OK? I'm here, and I believe you."

Kate opened her arms, gesturing for Max to come closer, and sharing another careful hug.

"Oh, Max. Thank you so much for listening to all this… I feel so blessed, for the first time this week." Tears glistened once again at the corners of her eyes as Kate covered her mouth through a long, exhausted yawn.

"Of course, Kate. Thank __you__ for being here for me, too. One last thing- is it OK if I talk to Dana, maybe a couple of your other friends, about what you told me?" Kate thought for a moment and quietly nodded.

As they said their goodbyes-for-now, Max tucked Kate in – instigating a brief fit of sleepy giggling – and turned out the light. As she moved back into the hallway, closing the door behind her, she breathed her own sigh of relief.

* * *

"STOP! Miss Caulfield!"

Max jumped several inches straight into the air, startled by the gruff command, and held her breath as she turned to face its source. David Madsen was rapidly advancing across Blackwell's manicured lawn, ignoring the paved pathways as he closed the space between them. Max's eyes widened as she focused first on the empty holster on his hip, then on each empty hand. Finally breathing again, she looked past him to the bus stop, careful not to look him in the eye, and tried to push her all-too-recent memories to the back of her mind.

__No gun. You're OK. You're safe. There's no gun, Max. He has no gun. You're OK.__

David cleared his throat and stopped directly in front of her. "Miss Caulfield? Didn't mean to scare you, missy. We need to talk."

Max's hands trembled, her head nodding too quickly, causing the dull ache in the left side of her head to return. She took one last, longing look at the bus stop before taking a seat on a nearby bench. David followed closeby, his presence startling the squirrels under the bench and sending them scurrying up the bark of the nearest tree.

__You've got the right idea, squirrels___._

"I'm sorry you had to see-" he paused, swallowing hard, "had to see that yesterday. And I'm sorry for-" he continued, through clenched teeth "-for what I did. Wasn't right."

A tense silence held for several long seconds. Looking around the disturbingly quiet quad, Max realized that there were no Bigfoots tossing footballs, no faculty members rushing to or from the parking lot, no students sketching or reading under the mid-morning sun.

Max and David were alone.

Her eyes darted back and forth, scanning for exit paths, as the muscles in her legs, shoulders, and jaw tightened. __Can't outrun him. I'd have to-__

"At ease," he finally continued, "Principal Wells and the ABPD believe Mr. Prescott is responsible for the property damage in the restroom. Not you."

"__What___?_" Max's head snapped up, shielding her eyes with one hand as she peered up at the mustachioed face towering above her. Instead of the tense, wide-eyed shock she'd seen the previous day – __was it really just yesterday?___ \- _heavy, dark bags hung under reddened eyes.

"You won't be charged," he said, as if offering an explanation. His words came slowly and without expression, as if reading from a script. "Your belongings are in Property, at the station. They need to take your statement."

"I...what d-damage? What are you..." Max shook her head as her voice trailed off.

"I can take you." David lifted his chin towards the parking lot, gesturing to the security guard's parking space. Max's eyes followed, and she let out a sudden gasp at what they found: a familiar, beat-up pick-up truck with a "TWN PKS" tag.

"Dav- um, Mr. Madsen, I… st-students are not allowed to...?" Max's mind went insistently blank as she pulled her eyes away from the vehicle and rose from the bench, taking a few steps in the direction of the bus stop.

"Technically, I am susp- I'm off-duty. But that doesn't matter. It's up to you." David stood still, absently scratching at the stubble that covered his jaw. As he continued speaking, his regretful voice nearly broke. "I just want you to know. I'm sorry. I'm sorry." He drew a deep breath, but before Max could reply, he firmly added, "Get that hand looked at, OK, missy? Now go on."

David turned and walked to the parking lot in quick, rigid steps while Max rapidly retreated to her bus stop. As she waited, Max pulled her cell phone and earbuds from her pocket, tapped the shuffle icon, and let the music drown out the turning engine, the squealing tires, and the distant ache at the center of her chest.

As the bus pulled into the parking lot and approached the stop, Max gazed down at the screen:

[Marine Girls – On My Mind]

Some days, "Shuffle" seemed eerily tuned to her feelings. Or _lack_ of feelings.

As the bus came to a stop and opened its doors, Max looked down once again at her bruised hand and replayed David's words.

__I still can't remember what happened, how I hurt my hand.__

_'___You won't be charged?' What did I do?__

The bus driver called out to her impatiently, "Miss, if you're coming, please board the vehicle."

__Am I going to the police to give them a witness statement about Nathan… or to turn myself in?__

* * *

_**A/N: **Thank you for reading! As you can probably tell, as a post-Bay fic, Solstice starts out dark and angsty. Yet in the long-term healing is a major theme, Max will find support and relief later on, and the fic does not ultimately have a sad ending._

_That's all for now. Please take good care of yourselves and each other. See you in Chapter 2 – No Return Pt. II!_

_P.S. at the very beginning of this chapter, the slur "psycho" was used in dialogue. It's not a term I'd usually use, but I decided to include it because it is a direct quote from game dialogue, and I felt strongly about starting the fic there. It won't appear again._


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